


For the Fallen

by GentlemanMad



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comrades in Arms, Duty, Explicit Language, Gen, Old Friends, Psychological Trauma, Self-Sacrifice, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-11 21:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11722473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GentlemanMad/pseuds/GentlemanMad
Summary: What defines a hero? How far can they let their actions go before they become villains? And at what point does it all stop mattering? The lines are blurring and Paris' super-heroes will struggle to cope.The training wheels are falling off and they have a choice to make. Walk away or stand and fight. How far will one go for those he loves most dear; what sins will he bear? The Agreste household is full of history and secrets. Can Adrien confront his family's past. Can Marinette stand strong under the burdens of a hero and prove she has what it takes? How far are each willing to go? For themselves. For each other. For family. For those fallen.





	1. Chapter 1

**I am Gabriel Agreste**

     It was one of those nights. A rare night. No matter how many years passed by, no matter how much he had grown, how much stronger he got, how much he _FOUGHT_ ; they always return. The greatest nightmares are the ones crafted from memories. Gabriel Agreste learned this hard truth far too early in life. He did not awake screaming or gasping for air; it had been a few years since he had such a reaction. He simply opened his eyes and stared at the bedroom ceiling. There were no obvious signs that showcased the degree of his suffering and panic, but to Nooroo he felt it all. The emotional maelstrom radiated off him like a tsunami. This was not first time he was awoken by one of Gabriel's nightmares. Most nights would pass by dreamless, but now and again an old memory would rear its ugly head an subjugate Gabriel to old traumas while all Nooroo could do was watch from afar. He could see the slight tremble in his hands as he grasped the bed sheets in a white-knuckled grip, the strands of platinum blonde hair that was matted to his forehead from sweat, the deeper than normal breathes he took and the watery gloss that sat on his eyes.  

     Nooroo had learned quickly how to read his body language. It allowed him to gain an idea of how severe each nightmare was since Gabriel was not keen on sharing details. Being a god of emotion, it was impossible to ignore the pain that each one of these memories carried. And this one was crippling. He could feel the emotional maelstrom that was no doubt shaking the foundations of Gabriel's soul. Gabriel let out a whine so low that if he didn’t know better he would think that he had imagined it. He watched from his perch on the bookshelf as Gabriel sat up in bed and buried his face in his hands. Muffled apologies the only sound breaking the silence. To whom, he did not know, but he knew that this person was not the wife his master missed so dearly.  The sorrow coming off him was so strong that Nooroo didn’t notice at first that he was also crying, being overwhelmed by Gabriel's emotions. This was so far the worst nightmare he had witnessed.

 

     Gabriel sucked in a ragged breath before dragging himself out of bed. A quick glance at the clock read 4 am. He shuffled his way to his personal bathroom on legs that trembled violently. He grasped onto the marble rim of the sink as he stared at his disheveled self in the mirror. Dull blue eyes stared back at him. Eyes that swirling with so much emotional pain, eyes that had seen too much too soon, eyes that had their innocence ripped away far too young, eyes that were beyond  _broken._ Gabriel could no longer remember the time when his eyes still carried the innocence of youth, the warmth and passion that drove him purse all of his dreams, the love for the woman of his dreams, his other half; the time when they still carried the spark of  _life._  

     His hands felt clammy as if the blood that had adorned them many times in his life had dressed them again, in their all _too_  familiar company. His bones creaked and cried out in pain; old scars that were years, some even decades old, flared to life as if they had only become acquainted yesterday. He knew it was all in his head but still the pain felt all  _too_   _real_ , all _too_   _familiar._ It made him feel  _weak_.  

     Gabriel slammed his fist on the marble surface, a few hairline cracks branching out from the point of impact to join the many others that marred it surface. He took a deep breath before looking back in the mirror.  

"I am Gabriel Agreste." He repeated his mantra to himself as he went about readying himself for his day. He will not be getting anymore sleep tonight.   

" I am  _Brave."_  

"I am _Proud_."

" I am a  _leader_." 

" I am  _S_ _trong._ " 

"I am _Powerful_." 

_"I am Hawkmoth."_ As he gazed back once more at himself,he saw no trace of his disheveled self. Now he stared at Gabriel Agreste, blue steel meeting blue steel. Completely emotionless and above all  _unyielding_ _._  

"I am Gabriel Agreste and I was a Peacock." 


	2. The Paths We Take

**The Paths We Take**   

 

The moment Gabriel walked out of his bathroom, Nooroo fluttered down and took a seat on his shoulder. The fact that Gabriel did not make any comment showed how much he appreciated his close company. Being so early in the morning there was no concern of being seen by the staff. Everyone else would still be in bed and even if someone else did wake, he would sense them before they could be close enough to spot him. Nooroo stayed silent as Gabriel took a seat in his office and threw himself into his work.  

After spending so much time with Gabriel, Nooroo learned that he was currently incapable of expressing his emotions properly. He hid himself behind his business façade and faced the world with it. While it did help him deal with his inter-turmoil; it damaged his relationships with just about everyone.  Compliments and praise came out stoic and cold that sometimes they seemed more backhanded than anything. This had the effect of alienating Gabriel from others around him especially his son.  

A few hours later as the sun began its rise into the morning sky, there was a knock on the door. Nooroo ducked down behind Gabriel's desk. A moment later Nathalie Sancoeur entered through the office doors. 

"Good Morning Mr. Agreste," she greeted. "I have your schedule for the day ready for you to go over and breakfast is ready. Would like me to notified the kitchen to send your meal here to your office?" 

Nooroo couldn't help but smile every time he heard her voice. He had to restrain himself from flying out there and hugging his old friend. He unfortunately had to obey his master's orders to remain hidden. I had been some time since he last saw Nathalie or the Gorilla; the Agreste's bodyguard. He was surprised when he learned that they were working for Gabriel. He thought they wanted to get away from the Miraculous yet here they are, working for and at times  _covering_  for their boss who was Hawkmoth. So many questions and no answers in sight. 

"Nathalie; is Adrien up yet?" Gabriel asked as he rested his chin on his hands. 

"Yes sir.  I just sent him down to the dining hall for breakfast. He should be starting his meal right now," Nathalie replied in that same professionalism that Gabriel portrayed. Nooroo always wondered who learned it from who. 

"I think I'll have my meal in the dining hall today. It has been a while since I last had a meal with my son." Gabriel rose from his desk as he spoke. Nathalie only blinked in surprise before she responded. 

"Of course, sir. I'll inform kitchen right away." Gabriel nodded in acknowledgment as he strode past her. She followed him out a second later. Nooroo had to suppress his giggles.  

He was happy to see that Nathalie hasn't changed. She was always a very serious person who preferred to live life by a schedule. Her reaction may have been so small that it could easily be overlooked, but he could feel the surprise she almost failed to reign in. Nathalie never could handle surprises or unexpected changes very well. She was either a mountain of calm or a ball of panic. Her reactions in such cases were always so _intense,_  that he and the others couldn't help but find it adorable; though everyone learned not to mention it to her face. Well except for  _him_ _,_  but he had a bad habit of pushing everyone's buttons.  

Nooroo sighed fondly at the memories before phasing through the door into the hall. Usually Gabriel would give him explicit instructions or some sort of sign that he should stay in the office and wait for him, but not this time so he planned to take advantage of it. He traveled along the edge of ceiling to the dining hall. As he drew near he was able to sense a feeling of surprise, no doubt from Adrien. The door was left open making it easy to slip inside. From high above he was able to observe breakfast between the two with no hindrances. It was going exactly as he feared.  

 

Gabriel didn't enjoy his breakfast, not that it wasn't delectable as always, but because he was too distracted by other matters to really taste it. As he ate, he could not stop glancing at his son who seemed engrossed with his food. Just seeing him put his heart at ease after the night he had. He tried to come up with a subject to discuss to fill the silence between them when he remembered that Adrien had just completed a fencing tournament the day before. It was not an official tournament but a local class one that was designed to allow the students to showcase their skills and discover who were currently at the top of the class.  

"How did your fencing tournament go yesterday, Adrien?" Adrien glanced up, blinking in surprise. 

"I-It went great father. The only person I was unable to beat was Monsieur D'Argencourt." Adrien couldn't help the small blush as he rubbed the back of his neck. He always felt bashful when bragging about his achievements. "He said that I am improving at an exceptional rate." 

Gabriel could feel a flush of pride fill his chest. He kept track of as much of Adrien's progress as he could. He knew of his prefect scores on his exams, his near fluent speech in Chinese, his fencing trophies, and his memorizing skill at piano. Few things slipped by his notice but it never the less pleasing to hear it from his own son himself. Though he has never told Adrien, he too was very skilled in fencing as was his mother. It was one of the reasons they were so supportive when he first showed interest in the art. For Gabriel the proudest day of his fencing career was when he finally beat his teacher and from what he knew of Adrien's progress; it wouldn’t be long before he surpassed his. 

 The thought brought a small smile to his face. "At this rate I expect you to be able to surpass your instructor soon." He rose from the table as Adrien nodded in response. "I have some work I need to get back to." 

"Of course, father," Adrien replied. As Gabriel turned his back to him he completely missed how Adrien hung his head in disappointment. He didn't even hear the small sigh he let out. Just as he reached the door, Gabriel stopped.  

"Your body guard will be dropping by to pick you up before lunch. I have a small press conference discussing the new up-coming lines and I want you to be there with me." It would be a good opportunity to spend some time together, even if it would only be an hour or so. Having Adrien join him would be a good reassurance to himself. He just needs to let Nathalie know of the late minute change. 

"Sure thing." Adrien sighed again but his father had already left. He dragged himself from his chair and left to meet Nathalie out front for his ride to school. The only the person left in the room was Nooroo who was rubbing his face in frustration. 

This is what he kept trying to tell Gabriel. The pride and happiness he felt from Gabriel was all but non-existent on his face. He appeared as stoic as always. His voice that he no doubt thought was warm and encouraging was in fact, cold and emotionless and to someone who didn’t know better, like Adrien, demanding. This is what happens when he relies on that  _damnable_  mask of his. He completely missed the hurt and disappointment coming from Adrien. For someone so observant, he was at times completely blind to the things around him. If only Adrien was braver to speak up to his father more, he might learn how much he really cares and how much he was simply misunderstanding. And if Gabriel could finally realize how deeper that mask of his was digging the growing chasm between him and his son; they might be able to close it and interact properly like a real father and son. 

This current relationship was unhealthy for all involved, but unfortunately Nooroo was unable to do anything about it. He sighed before following Gabriel back to his office. He had a couple hours before Gabriel would leave for his press conference. At any point between then and now he may decide to send out another akuma. Nooroo hoped that he wouldn't, but he honestly didn't know if his luck would hold. Nooroo would like to change a lot of things about his current situation but for now all he could do was stand by and observe and hope for the best. It was a good thing he was horribly optimistic.     


	3. The Paths we choose

**The P** **ath** **s** **W** **e C** **hoose**   

      Nooroo found Gabriel in his office staring at the portrait of his wife. Usually he would be sent away by Gabriel before he became lost in his thoughts, but it seemed that he was not in his normal state of mind. He would generally keep Nooroo under his thumb at all times, greatly limiting his movement around the mansion, but today it's as if he forgot all about his existence. Nooroo watched as Gabriel moved the painting aside revealing the safe hidden behind it. It wasn't so surprising that Gabriel kept hidden safes in his home, but the contents inside were.  

      He felt his heart drop as he laid his eyes on an all too familiar brooch. A colorful and eye-catching peacock brooch. A brooch that has been missing from the Guardian's possession for almost 2 centuries. A brooch  _he_ hadn't seen in years.  _Dusuu's_ brooch. Nooroo watched as Gabriel reached a trembling hand out. Just as he was about to touch it; he stopped and pulled away. He brought his hand to his chest in a closed fist as he took a shaky breath. Nooroo floated in the open air of his office in disbelief as he watched Gabriel reseal the safe. When Gabriel turned around, he finally became aware of his presence. His eyes widen in shock as he realized what Nooroo witnessed.  

      It wasn't what broke Nooroo's heart though. Beneath the thin layer of surprise, he was able to feel it. The same emotion he felt in the further recesses of Gabriel mind each time he transformed. An emotion that made Nooroo  question constantly why he would walk the path of  **Ha** **wkmoth**  if he disagreed with what he was doing. 

**_Shame._ **  

      He could feel it in full. The burning shame that Gabriel Agreste kept hidden inside him. It felt just as intense as the shame he could feel burning inside himself. This was  _him._ This was his partner's husband. It was so blindingly obvious that Nooroo couldn't understand why he ignored the fact when it has been staring him in the face this entire time. He could feel Gabriel leash his emotions in check as he walked past him to the window. Just like that Gabriel once again  _felt_ cold. It clicked instantly for Nooroo.  

      This is why he didn't realize who he was. He was in denial that this man is the man he who fought beside his chosen. The same man that had a passion that burned within him fire. The same fire that drew Celine to him. This is the same man who-who- 

      Nooroo curled in on himself as so much became clear to him. This was the Peacock who lead them. The one who fought for them and everyone else. Who suffered the most each time one of their friends were slain. The nightmares now made sense. His suffering made sense. But what still didn't add up was why would he become Hawkmoth? He was strong enough that he always managed to get back up and move forward. No matter how many died, as long as he had someone to support him- 

_"I want to_ _gi_ _ve_ _you the moon and stars. To make heaven and all of Earth yours. You are the fire that drives me, the pillar that supports me and the strength that has made me able to withstand any cha_ _llenge. You are my everything and I will fight and die for you before I ever let you go."_  

       It was Gabriel's vow to Celine on their wedding day. How many times did Dusuu and Celine repeat that vow to him. It was their favorite part of the wedding. The pride and love they felt for Gabriel was immense. Nooroo didn't see the wedding rather he  _felt_ it. The wedding was done outside in the open leaving little to nowhere for them to hide. He had stayed behind in the building while Dusuu snuck outside and was able to hear everything. He still doesn't know how she managed not to be seen.  

      Nooroo glanced at the portrait of his chosen as he felt a rock of dread settle in his stomach. How many times did the two of them try to get him to meet Gabriel without his mask over the years? They did not reveal themselves by de-transforming but by telling each other who they were before meeting outside their suits. Nooroo never once joined Celine on any of her non-hero outings. He believed that the time spent out of their suits was theirs to enjoy free from anything Miraculous related. Or that's how he tried to justify it to himself. He never was comfortable in a crowd, preferring to hang back at the outskirts. He gets attached too easily. 

      The others would seek him out to get him to join them for various occasions but Gabriel never did. He respected Nooroo's wishes to be alone even if it meant he never got to meet his wife's Kwami. How he regrets his cowardice. For years he argued to himself that the only person he needed was his chosen, that there was no point in any further connections with others. It hurts less when the others leave if there are no connections between them. They all leave in the end. Everyone, but Gabriel. He was still here and he was still fighting. 

Nooroo flew over and settled on Gabriel's shoulder. Both stared out at Paris in complete silence. Gabriel was, surprisingly, the first to break it. 

"This changes nothing. I will continue to pursue the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous." He sounded his usual stoic self but Nooroo could pick up the faint tremble in his voice. 

"I know. I will no longer fight you on this." As surprising as it was to hear himself speak the words aloud; Nooroo felt no hesitation. He was going against so many of the rules laid down by the Guardian and his siblings, but he will not regret his decision. "I want her back too." 

      The last memory he had with Celine was in a hotel in Tibet. They were in fact on their way to see the Guardian. It would have been his first meeting with him after over half a century. The purpose was to reconnect the Guardian with the Peacock and Butterfly Miraculous and inform him about the possible threat in the Tibetan mountains. One moment he was wishing his chosen a good night sleep and the next he was waking up, not in the nightstand drawer by the bed, but from his own Miraculous in Paris. The only way he could have ended up in Paris would be if she sent him to the Wardens.  

      If she sent him away, it meant that she must feel that she is in too much danger to risk his Miraculous in a fight. But there should no longer be any threats. They won; didn't they? Nooroo found that the few answers he received only offered more questions. What was happening in Tibet? What happened to Celine? The only way he was going to get any answers was if they could find Celine, but to find her they would need the magic of the Ladybug and Black Cat Miraculous. It was the safest way to bring her home if she was still- 

Nooroo shook the thought away. He couldn't be thinking of the worst. Not yet; not when there could still be hope. She was much tougher than she seemed.  

"Gabriel." He turned his head to meet Nooroo's gaze. "If we find another way, a better way; promise me that you'll take it." 

      Gabriel frowned and the pain in his eyes made it all too clear. This was the better way. The way left that they could take. Of course, it was. This was Gabriel, the Peacock. He would tackle any problem a hundred different ways and always come up with the best plan. It didn't matter how difficult the challenge was, he would find a way. If he had decided that becoming Hawkmoth was the best way it was because it was the  _only_ way. 

"If we do, I promise to take it first opportunity I get." It was an obvious lie made of hallow words, but Nooroo took comfort in them regardless. Once again, they fell into silence, but it was more comfortable this time. And again, it was Gabriel who broke it. 

"The dream was different this time." For once Gabriel let emotion flood his voice. "Usually it's another repeat of one of my failures. When another life slipped through my fingers...but not this time. This time I dreamt of that day so long ago. It was before my failures when we were just starting to come together as a group." His eyes misted over as his gaze traveled far away. "I remembered that feast we had in that small shack high in the mountains. It was when we made our pledge to each other. That we were family. That we would stand and fight and threat together...and need be, die together. If only we knew how true those words would become."  

For the first time in months Gabriel let his walls down and allowed himself to feel. He let himself cry. All the fear and stress from the pass half year and the years of pain and sorrow came pouring out of him.  

"I-I've failed too much Nooroo," he hiccupped. "I can't fail again. N-Not now, not here. I-I can't fail  _her_." Gabriel fell to his knees as the sobs racked his body. Nooroo rested his head on his cheek in silent comfort. The demons from the mountain could burst through the door right now and Nooroo would not move. Right now, Gabriel needed him. The one rule of his, that has never changed in his long infinite lifetime. 

_No one_ _should_ _be left to suffer alone._  


End file.
